The Five Worst Modern Rock Lyricists of the '90s: #3

Now don't get me wrong, Alanis and Billy were pretty awful lyricists, but now is when we start getting to the real dregs. While Alanis and Billy were terrible even when they were at the peak of their popularity and awfulness, you could sort of laugh them off. As in, "Oh, Billy, you're so funny when you scream, 'And in the eyes of the jackal I say KABOOM!'" But from here on out ... it was no laughing matter with these folks. We are just now getting over the pain they caused us.

Let's start with Gavin Rossdale and Bush. Do you realize that they had five -- that's FIVE -- hit singles from their debut, Sixteen Stone? That's just insane. And these were all legit hits, no borderline hits: "Everything Zen," "Little Things," "Comedown," "Glycerine," "Machinehead." I mean, Nirvana only had four hits off of Nevermind. From late 1994 to, say, mid-1996, it was pretty impossible to avoid Bush and Rossdale's perfectly shorn black locks. So now let us help you re-live the misery, by offering a sample of the absolute dreck that Gavin Rossdale spewed across our airwaves.

There must be something that we can eat
Maybe find another lover
Should I fly to Los Angeles
Find my asshole brother

That's the first verse to Bush's first single. Read that again. Yet the band managed not only to turn that song into a hit single, but to have many more after it. Now I realize that Kurt Cobain was quite capable of a head-scratching lyric or twelve, but Rossdale -- who obviously was attempting to completely rip off Kurt -- managed to make KC seem downright poetic.

The cupboard is empty
We really need food
Summer is winter
And you always knew

For some reason this one was always my favorite horrible lyric from "Little Things." A lot of it had to do with the way Rossdale delivered the lines. I think his most impassioned vocal delivery ever was on the "The cupboard is empty/We really need food" line, and that always slayed me.

There is no blame only shame
When you beg you just complain

At least the selection from "Comedown" stands on its own pretty well. And by pretty well, I mean the exact opposite.

Everything gone white
And everything's grey
Now you're here now you're away

Ah, "Glycerine." All five of these songs are obviously putrid, but this one is EASILY the worst of the bunch. Truly one of the worst of the '90s.

Blood is like wine
Unconscious all the time

From "Machinehead." You can see that I'm partial to the ridiculously forced rhymes.

Another note about Bush, which when it was pointed out to me by PS a while back totally made my day, is that every single one of these songs ends with Rossdale simply screaming the title of the song over and over again. Think about it. Well, "Everything Zen" is just "Zen! Zen! Zen! Zen!" And I can't remember if "Machinehead" fits this. But almost all of them do. And it's funny.

And we'd be remiss if we didn't include Mrs. Gavin Rossdale, the always irritating Gwen Stefani. Before I get to her contribution of crap, what is with these two breaking into Hollywood? Now, I'm all for them getting out of the music business, and if it takes crossovers to film, I'm fine with that. But this doesn't seem to be the case, at least with Stefani. Anyway, while "Glycerine" was certainly one of the worst of the '90s, it wasn't quite as bad as the song that this came from:

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

That is, of course, from "Don't Speak." Which is, of course, what we all wish husband and wife had done all those years ago.

--DM--

Comments

[ZR]

No, they do all fit! "Machinehead" = "Machinehead-head-head-head-head-head" followed by "I walk from (or to, I can't remember) my machiiiiiiiine" Good enough for jazz.

[rob]

if billy is the worst rock lyricist who was the best ouu kurt cobain and then who comes next hmmm.... billy you can expect a man to write what is it how many songs did they release a little over 100 i think even the beatles had bad songs so in an ode to the good old lingo of the internet
STFU.

[DM]

Jesus Christ, where do these people come from?

[megan]

No doubt and gwen solo rock. I just want to tell everyone out there who loves them as much as me.... YOU ROCK!!!!! I LOVE YOU GWEN!

[Chris McShane]

Your a moron and a hater!!! Bush was the best band of the 90's and it was fun music. OOh let's sit around and be critical because we have no life!!!

[DM]

Thanks for your input, Chris McShane. Isn't there some dead person's guest book you need to go sign, or something?

[Chris McShane]

what kind of person are you? Your getting on my case because I sign guestbooks for the dearly departed? Now I know your just a hater and this is your sputum forumn. Eat shit okay!!!!

[BW]

Chris,
Seek help. Seriously. No offense.

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Seek help? Whoever the hell you are you need to stop judging. I have some spicy brown mustard on my silly willy for you CUZ!!!

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