Soi Disantra: We're Running Out of Time! 24 Power Rankings, Season 4 (Cumulative)

May 27, 2005

We're Running Out of Time! 24 Power Rankings, Season 4 (Cumulative)

So I’ve decided to wrap the season up with a cumulative Top 15 and Bottom 10, and not bother with all 40-50 characters. Because really, debating between where Khalil Hassan and Debbie Pendleton fall in just ain’t all that interesting. We’ll start with the best…

1. Jack Bauer – This is a “just hanging on" #1, like Michael Jordan’s last gasp championship in 1998. Jack had to come out of semi-retirement and he obviously wasn’t always at his peak, but he got the job done, for the most part. Jack with a romantic subplot just doesn’t do it for me. Unless, of course, it’s with Chloe.
2. Chloe O’Brian – I’m not big on commentary tracks on DVDs, my rule basically being that if someone from the cast of Mr. Show isn’t taking part, then I’ll pass. So that means we did listen in on the one episode that MLR did last season. At one point Surnow said that people told him Season 3 was “the year of Chloe.” But it was only the table-setter. Can we all agree that the end of this episode was the high point of the season? There’s no doubt in my mind.
3. Habib Marwan – Early on it seemed like he would be the worst yet of the 24 villains. He ended up running circles around them all. His accent was downright suave, much better than Steven Saunders’ and do I even need to compare it to that of Victor Drazen? Holy lord. He also proved to be much more effective in his terror than those two, as well as, Marie Warner? Was she the villain in Season 2? I guess so. In any case, he was an effective foil and a regular Houdini.
4. Curtis Manning – Untapped potential. That’s Curtis. Whenever he was given a chance, he came through big time. And by the end, Jack wouldn’t go anywhere without him by his side. Curtis:Chase::David Gahan:Vince Clarke. Or something like that. I’m not so sure that Curtis and Gahan have much in common. Now, Chase and Vince Clarke on the other hand…
5. James Heller – Ultimately, he has to be considered a disappointment, due to his complete lack of … anything in the last two-thirds of the season. But he did a lot to carry those early episodes when Jack was in the gas station buying beef jerky or whatever it was he was doing. “Lock and load, Heller!” was certainly an early-season highlight.
6. Tony Almeida – Honestly, Tony was a boring character for most of the season. But his high points were clutch, mainly saving Jack early on and then not dying, and actually having a sorta Jesus-like resurrection since everyone thought he was dead. You ever stop and think if Jesus would be as revered if instead of that scraggly beard he instead just had a soul patch? No, you don’t? I guess that’s just me.
7. Mike Novick – SD’s biases are apparent. We love Chloe and Novick … well, I was about to say “more than we should,” but you know what? I’m not gonna say that. We are confident in our tastes here at SD. Novick used his scheming and face-contorting for good this year, and honestly, he may even deserve to be higher up. Palmer’s not coming in if it wasn’t for Novick, after all.
8. David Palmer – Then again, let’s not give Palmer too much credit. He knows to give Jack free reign, but that’s about the only thing he has going for him besides some good vocal chords. It does feel more important when he’s around, though. Keeler is gonna be one angry paraplegic when finds out that Palmer was brought in to save the day.
9. Bill Buchanan – Granted, they could have brought in Coby the Talking Chimp to replace Driscoll and he’d probably crack the Top 10. But still.
10. Mandy – Keep on pokin’, Mandy. Keep on pokin’.
11. Edgar Stiles – I originally had Edgar rounding out the Top 10, but, y’know. His late-season meltdown (get it?! Oh, lawdy!!) shouldn’t make us forget that when Stupid Fucking Driscoll fired Chloe, Edgar did manage to hold down the fort and keep all those power plants from melting down. And his mom died, and stuff.
12. Paul Raines – He saved Jack’s life. But he was also a real dick before that. So it evens out.
13. Dina Araz – I think we were all pulling for her by the end. One of the more fleshed-out minor characters that 24 has produced. Certainly didn’t hurt to have such a fine actress playing her. Too bad she ended up in a dumpster. I guess the contents of that dumpster weren’t private.
14. Behrooz Araz – We all cheered him on went he whacked that one dude over the head with the shovel. We wanted to cheer him on when he shot his dad, but that was, like, the worst thing he could have done. And then we all cringed with him when that subcutaneous tracking device was extracted from him. No prom for him or Debbie.
15. Michelle Dessler – Yeah, she’s lucky to make it on here. Honestly, did she do a single productive thing the entire season? I really don’t think so. Granted, she would have been a Top 3 last year, so we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

And now the worst…

1. Erin Driscoll – You know I was tempted to put Audrey here, but I’ll do my best to remain objective. Driscoll was the most positively incompetent leader possible, put no trust/faith in Jack, fired Chloe, and had her daughter commit suicide because she neglected her. The only other thing she could have done to make it any worse was if she had a Live poster in her office or something.
2. Marianne Taylor – Remember her? She sure sucked. Trying to get Curtis killed, that wasn’t cool. But I guess every season needs a mole of some sort. Marianne couldn’t even measure up to Jamey. Let alone Nina. I started a new sentence there just so Nina wouldn’t have to be in the same sentence as her. I must say that a whole season without Kim was just about offset by a whole season without Nina. Well, not really. We still had Mandy.
3. Howard Bern – I really hope Cheng Zhi was bluffing and Bern ends up in that gulag.
4. Walt Cummings – If Novick had hair, and had a dorky haircut with that hair, and thought he was 100 times more clever than everyone instead of only 50 times more clever than everyone, but was really negative 50 times as clever as everyone instead of, oh, 24 times as clever as everyone, you might have Cummings. What, you would have been disappointed without one last completely non-sensical tidbit until January, right?
5. Charles Logan – He could be bullied around enough so that he wasn’t actually ever getting in the way of anything, and he had a few bright moments, but basically he was a whiny bitch. And we don’t like whiny bitches on 24.
6. Audrey Raines – At least Audrey wasn’t a whiny bitch. She was just incredibly irritating. I think I’ve said everything I can say about Audrey.
7. Maya Driscoll – I’ve never felt a greater urge to turn 24 off as when Crazy Driscoll Daughter was on the screen. In some weird way, she almost receives consideration for the top half of the rankings since her death not only got rid of her, but Stupid Driscoll Mother, too.
8. Navi Araz – Now he was just a humorless meanie. No wonder Behrooz always hated him. I wonder how he scored such a fine piece of mujahedin ass like Dina?
9. Richard Heller – He gets on here mainly for playing deplorable characters on the only two shows I watch. I suppose he didn’t deserve the same fate as Trey. Speaking of, I never thought there’d be a bigger “Holy shit!” moment on The O.C. finale than the 24 one, but when Marissa shot Trey right in the heart … that was some serious shit. Marissa, honey, you could have aimed for the leg, arm, hell, even his groin!
10. Sarah Gavin – Well, if they couldn’t come up with anything else for SecDef Heller, then it shouldn’t be any shock that Sarah’s departure was, well, her departure. Another example of Driscoll’s incompetence, but if she wasn’t around it wouldn’t have been as necessary to bring back Chloe, so good riddance.

And so that officially wraps things up for Season 4. We have run out of time. Let’s do it all again in January.

Past Rankings
Finale
4 A.M.
3 A.M.
2 A.M.
1 A.M.
Midnight
11 P.M.
10 P.M.
9 P.M.
8 P.M.
7 P.M.
6 P.M.

--DM--

May 27, 2005 | Permalink

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Soi Disantra

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May 27, 2005

We're Running Out of Time! 24 Power Rankings, Season 4 (Cumulative)

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