So we’ve reached the quarter mark of season five, and I’ve gotta say that it’s been pretty excellent. Surpassing my expectations, for sure. But now is when things should start to get interesting. Who’s hiding under the bed? I know who I want it to be…
This week’s rankings have a bit of a gimmick – I’ve taken it upon myself to predict the favorite music of each character on the show. Feel free to chime in with your opinions.
1. Jack Bauer (1) – Yes, Jack was a little disappointed when Cummings told him where (he thought) the nerve gas was. He wanted to carve out an eyeball. And admit it, you wanted to see him carve out an eyeball. First he didn’t get to torture Spenser, now he doesn’t get to torture Cummings … when is Jack gonna get his torture on?!?!?!
Favorite Music: Jack doesn’t have time to listen to music, obviously. But he did during his time as Frank Flynn. Probably Johnny Cash or Merle Haggard. Something whiskey-soaked. Mark Lanegan, perhaps.
2. Aaron Pierce (UR) – It was the most obvious redemption ever, but it was still nice to see. He’s one of only three originals remaining, I think, along with Jack and Novick.
Favorite Music: Aaron seems like a Brooks & Dunn guy to me. More Dunn than Brooks, though. He doesn’t trust anyone who wears a hat that often.
3. Bill Buchanan (6) – Now there’s the take charge attitude we all like to see.
Favorite Music: After a long day at CTU, I can see Buchanan unwinding to the pleasant sounds of Huey Lewis. And the News. Don’t forget the News, man.
4. Lynn McGill (5) – Rudy can’t fail. He keeps making the right decisions, even if it does bruise his ego a little. That’s pretty much unheard of in the 24 universe. So I applaud him for that.
Favorite Music: I do like McGill, but it seems to me like there’s really good chance he’s a Josh Groban fan. Can’t you see that?
5. Mike Novick (7) – So when Jack said to Novick, something along the lines of “Sorry about Palmer, I know how much he meant to you,” did anyone else think to themselves, “Yeah, well he did conspire to remove Palmer from office, but never thought to do the same with Logan?” Whatever. He’s learned from his mistakes. I wish he didn’t show that video of the nerve gas victims as I was finishing my dinner, though. That was kind of a bummer.
Favorite Music: I can see Novick getting white-guy funky with a bit of Steely Dan.
6. Martha Logan (2) – She gets the reprieve from Vermont. Phew. Now she gets to hang around with Evelyn and her husband. Um…
Favorite Music: This was sort of a tough one. Janis Joplin? I could see Martha at Woodstock, droppin’ acid and twirling around to Janis. It might explain her current mental state. I mean, she was right about this thing, but she’s still got that “look.” Every dude knows that look.
7. Chloe O’Brian (4) – Don’t worry, Chloe fans, I’m sure she’ll play a bigger role again as the season progresses. They had to make her a focus as the beginning to draw everyone in.
Favorite Music: I’ll go with My Bloody Valentine. She seems like she’d be into somewhat dramatic British stuff, and that was before the “jj72” password revelation.
8. Edgar Stiles (10) – Wow, Edgar, you found the crate with medical supplies. That would have been a lot cooler if there was actually nerve gas in there.
Favorite Music: As I said last week, definitely Dashboard Confessional. He’d probably like Keane, too. Oh, Edgar. What’s your problem?
9. Curtis Manning (3) – “Feed’s up.” That had me laughing for a few moments. Poor Curtis.
Favorite Music: N.W.A. But he probably keeps his Straight Outta Compton disc in a Phil Collins jewel cases so as not to freak out any of his co-workers.
10. Yellow Tie Guy (ON) – Wait, Yellow Tie Guy took off his yellow tie. He’s not allowed to do that. He’s Yellow Tie Guy! The Man With the Yellow Hat never took his yellow hat off. Except for when Curious George went monkey crazy and ripped it off and took a dump in it. But you can’t account for something like that.
Favorite Music: T.A.T.U. “I do not care if zey are not reel lesbodykes, as long as tongue kiss eez reel.”
11. Nathanson (13) – He should, like, do something already. If I had that many TVs I would just watch all the games on the NBA package at once instead of devising elaborate terrorist schemes. Well, maybe I’d find the time for one or two terrorist schemes. Oh, NBA Midseason Power Rankings coming sometime relatively soon. I know you’ll all be looking forward to that.
Favorite Music: Flock of Seagulls, if his hair is any indication.
12. Derek Huxley (8) – “But mommy, I wanted Jack to be my new Daddy!”
Favorite Music: One of those bands with a long, stupid title that may or may not have a day of the week in it.
13. Diane Huxley (9) – Diane, darling, we don’t need anyone behaving in a manner that makes Audrey even more weepy and miserable, OK? Thanks.
Favorite Music: Paula Cole. Where have all the cowboys gone, indeed.
14. Audrey Raines (12) – Remember that great quote from Tony last year when he was talking about Jack: “Some people are more comfortable in hell.” I think that explains why Jack still loves Audrey and wants to be in a relationship with her. That’s all I can come up with.
Favorite Music: Coldplay. Clearly.
15. Evelyn (11) – I still say she dies this year, if only because I think there’s a good chance she’ll make sure of it herself.
Favorite Music: Elliott Smith. Because Evelyn sure is Miss Misery.
16. Walt Cummings (15) – So it turns out he was just an especially insane neocon. You know that all the Washington insiders watch 24, and you know that after Cummings explained his elaborate plan, someone who works at The Heritage Foundation was like, “Finally, someone who understands how to make things happen!”
Favorite Music: Live. Obviously. Speaking of Live, I just have to share with you all the greatest e-mail SD has ever received, which was, of course, in response to this, which is nearly a year old by now. Enjoy. How can you not?
“You’re such a stupid dumb fuck. You just don’t “GET” LIVE”s lyrics.
Just because you don’t “get” something it doesn’t mean it sucks.
The worse band? You have absolutely no clue.
You sound like a jealous person, or a rejected person.
What did Ed do to make you hate him so much?
It really sounds personal. You’re probably a fag. And he turned you down,”
Pretty great, huh? Ending with the comma, it makes me think that we only got a taste of what this guy had to say. Oh well. How did he know the real reason I hate Ed?!?!? I wish I could quit him…
17. President Logan (14) – I mean, at least Cummings had a plan. Still, I was going to put Logan ahead of him until he just agreed to go along with him even after explaining. Let’s just say that Logan doesn’t meet the criteria necessary to watch The Colbert Report. That is for sure.
Favorite Music: Antony & the Johnsons. Well, not really. But you see what I’m getting at.
Dead to Me
Hank the Assassin
Main Terrorist Dude in Airport