No joke, I think this is probably the best thing that's happened to me all summer. It's been a shitty summer, to be sure, but don't discount the happiness I feel right now.
I was really thinking of getting season tickets this year, too. Oh well.
That right there is the best Photoshopping I've done since I put myself into that Vanity Fair cover with Scarlett and Keira. Anyway, Jared wants to leave, and I say let him leave. The Wizards have long said they'd match any deal he signs, but let's hope that was just talkin' the talk. If there's one thing that would really make my life more miserable than it already is, it would be knowing that I'd have to deal with Jared Jeffries on the Wiz into my fuckin' 30s.
I thought we'd take a trip down memory lane to all the times we've talked about Jared here on SD. Let's begin the journey...
November 10, 2004
Choice excerpt: "On the other end, Jared Jeffries falls down as he tries to shoot it."
May 1, 2005
Choice excerpt: "Jared Jeffries is just not a very good basketball player ... has absolutely no touch around the basket. He can sometimes make a nice move and get to rim, and he will then proceed to smash the ball off the rim or the backboard, potentially injuring anyone who is in proper rebounding position."
May 13, 2005
Choice excerpt: "Despite the best attempts by “Fuckin’” Jared Jeffries (that’s his official new nickname) to sabotage the Wiz early on, they held a two-point lead at the half."
February 8, 2006
Choice excerpt: "OK, that was pretty good. Best performance of the night so far, which is sort of like when I said earlier that it was the best 29 seconds of Jared’s career. It’s all very, very relative."
April 26, 2006
Choice excerpt: "I should take this time to note the much-improved play of late by Jared Jeffries, and I should also take this time to thank his mother for finally calling him and telling him to shave that beard. Speaking of Jared, the Wizards suck because they really, really need Jared Jeffries to play well to win. That's never good."
So there you have some of the highlights of SD's hate affair with Jared over the past couple of years. It's nothing personal, dude. It's just that you're not very good at basketball and I'd rather my favorite team spend money on good basketball players than not so good ones. When you break it down like that, it makes plenty of sense. I mean, you don't think the Wiz regret matching that 6-year/$39 million deal Etan Thomas got from Milwaukee a few years ago? Jared gained a repuation as a "defensive stopper" this postseason, but that's as much due to who he's surrounded by, as anything else. So let Jared take his act to the Big Apple, where the press will surely have a field day with his inability to do anything at all except for that Jared Jeffries specialty -- tipping balls. And yes, that is open to any interpretation you like.